As I drove in the early morning hours of May 27 on the way to a weeks' vacation at the beach, and as my family slept soundly in the car, my mind just kept spitting out haiku.  Fortunately, the early morning hours on Sunday morning of Memorial Day Weekend have probably the lightest interstate traffic of anytime of year.  Not that I recommend texting-while-driving, but in this case it was not such a risky endeavor with scarcely another car around.  Here's what came about, in order of appearance, with no titles....

***

Breathing in a way
that suits the lungs nicely
satisfies the gut

***

Dynamic stillness
surrounding and expanding
accept not really

***

Less me than there was
I don't know if it happened
or was there before

***

I'm all as always
presently happening then
gonna run on by

***

Me writing by you
reaching through sense silliness
actionless raging

***

Absolute freedom.
sounding pretty good to me
listening right now

***

He looks different
I've seen the same face before
been there all along

***

There came a flurry
knowing it will not stand by
ahead of the sky

***

Looking right to you
no, really doing it now
loving each instance

***

Global enterprise
motivates shuttle meetings
among the no-why's

***

Sorry to hear that
is the way the saying goes
don't you do suppose

***

To green around now
it seems to suck a soaking
drowning brown somehow

***

Surrendering words
carefully structuring things
mourning brother birds

***

That's it.  They all seemed to mean something when I wrote them.  Now, who knows?

Having to restart
is not any different
than continuing

Love until it hurts
breaking chains that block the heart
leading to freedom

I.

What is a subject
but another object (noun)
I becoming me

II.

Subjectivity
without objects as subjects
neither I nor me

Michael Hutchison
failing body full of light
needs our help to live


*****

My friend is asking us to help save the life of this man.  The link in the previous poem will take you to an interview that lays out the background.  Here is an update, written by my friend Stef, to show how dire the situation has now become for Michael:

Many of you remember Michael Hutchinson -- he's the guy we heard about at the Almas Center Retreat -- you can read his story here http://www.mythical.net/hutchison.shtml

He authored "Mega Brain Power: Transform Your Life With Mind Machines and Brain Nutrients" and "Megabrain: New Tools & Techniques for Brain Growth & Mind Expansion" many years ago. But then, as you can read in the article, he went through a series of unbelievable catastrophic events that destroyed all his possessions in a fire and ultimately left him completely paralyzed and in dire health. He was put into some kind of a home where crazy things were happening all around him and there was nothing he could do about it since he was paralyzed He decided to use the experience as if he was in a strict zen monastery -- and he ultimately "awakened" or became enlightened and has been in a state of bliss ever since.

Those of us on Terry's newsletter list recently got an email that Michael wrote to one of the students. When I got that email, I sent it to my son who lives in Sante Fe and asked him to go see Michael since he lives nearby.

Cisco (my son) went immediately over there and was a bit shocked that unlike recent reports that Michael was now able to walk etc... in fact, Michael is atrophying rapidly again. Less than a year ago, he was indeed walking and was able to bench press 180 pounds (after a long miraculous recovery from complete paralysis)... but then Medicare decided to stop paying for his vigorous supplementation program which included growth factors, etc. He lives on a $500 per month stipend which has to pay his rent, food etc, so he can't afford these supplements himself. The supplements cost $1000 per month. He is now facing what looks like rapid deterioration and probably death. He has lost over 80 pounds, is on morphine for the intense pain and can only afford to eat oatmeal. His attorney has appealed the Medicare decision 3 times to no avail. They say the treatment is not "necessary"

From Michael's standpoint, all this is fine. He is in a constant state of bliss and says that all is perfect. But from my perspective and my son's perspective, there might be people who would want to help keep this guy alive for as long as possible. He is working on a book about the awakened state, but writing it is very slow because he has to use voice activated software (he can't use his hands) and an antiquated computer that shuts down every 5 minutes.

I would like to see if we can gather a group of people who could pool together to donate the $1000 a month Michael needs for his treatment so he can start thriving again.

If you would like to contribute on a monthly basis (or even a one time donation), please let me know how much you would like to give. Once I figure out how much we would have, I will let you know how to send the money. I'm not sure if we would send it to his trust, or directly to him... but I don't want to ask until I know how much we are committed to.

So, if you would like to help with this, email me at stefdavis@...   -- make sure you put the name Michael in the subject line cuz I get a lot of spam and delete things really fast.

Much Love
Stef

P.S. Cisco likes to sketch and he did a sketch of Michael last Sunday. I'll upload it to the photos section of OEP

And here's a more recent update from an exchange between my friend, Stef,  and our Teacher, affectionately referred to as "b" (At a stage beyond identification with self or maybe even Self, without a conceptual reference for who he was, making the use of the word "I" somewhat meaningless, our Teacher, Brian, went through a period of awkwardness in choosing words to identify the character we see and interact with.  He started calling himself "this b-thing" and the shorthand version "b" has stuck.)

I sent out a request earlier for anyone that might be able to help Michael Hutchinson with a one time or monthly donation. His body is in severe pain and in dire need of medical treatment that he has no way to pay for. In the meantime, his mind is blissful and he is about 50 pages into a book he would like to write while he is still here on earth.

For those of you who might have missed who Michael is, please read this article: http://www.mythical.net/hutchison.shtml

His story is both shocking and inspiring. We have been in close communication with Michael now with my son and a friend of Carol Ann’s who both live in Sante Fe going to visit him. He has nobody else in the world he can count on or talk to except a part-time care-giver who doesn’t really converse with him. He is quadriplegic and has a great deal of trouble accomplishing anything. He is writing the book using voice activated software and a really old computer.

I felt that it would be a great project if the RTN community were to “adopt” Michael and do whatever we could to assist him for whatever time he has on this planet. Several people have pledged monthly donations so far but we are nowhere near our financial goal so any other monetary pledges would be really appreciated.

Funny, I received several replies from folks that either stated bluntly or implied subtlety that it seemed like it was Michael’s time to go and that interfering with that would be going against fate or karma. I was kinda confused about that myself, so I wrote to Brian. Here was his response:
-----------------
 
Stef: Last week I wrote to you about Michael Hutchinson.

B’s reply -- Sorry I didn’t reply earlier. I will pledge an amount to help out as well.

Stef-- When I spoke to Terry he said I could put a donation request out on oep which I did. So far only (names omitted) and myself have pledged a monthly donation to Michael's cause. Several other people stated that it is seemingly Michael's time to go and that helping him would interfere with his fate.

B’s reply-  Even though that is true (so it can’t really be argued), what the RTN’ers are missing out on is dharma ---- or serving another being (aspect of God) with cheerfulness, love and devotion. I would hate to miss such a wonderful opportunity, to help out my fellow part of mySelf. 

Stef --- I'm confused on a few levels about that. You've talked a lot about finding bugs, etc.that were wounded and dying and how you interceded and then discovered you did more harm than good.
B’s reply-- This is true.

Stef -- Do you "get" that we should just let Michael go and not try to gather enough money to get him the treatment he needs?

B’s reply --  The other thought would be, why did he connect with you and other people who are willing to donate? Is that Grace intervening to help him out? Obviously, bumping into us through email is like a guaranteed donation. So one way to look at it, is that if someone has that Great Karma to elicit a response and donated amount, it is as good as the Universe saying, “Serve him.” (referring to Michael). Perhaps for those who are not willing to donate money, maybe they would be willing to donate their time setting up a fundraiser online for him. One page online of explanation of him and his current body condition, and another page on how desperate he is and what he needs, and what his purpose is on earth and how he is opting to remain here (physically bound) to help others through his wisdom. Then, people could have a reason to donate. Ego’s are inherently selfish. So they will not serve another being unless they are “emotionally moved” to do so. If one makes the online donation and explanation webpage, and makes it donation button friendly, and then gets other websites to advertise it, people will donate to him. It is not hard to get a donation from others… that is, if they see the reason why. Also, when do you need money from me to help him out, and how much is needed for this month or monthly?      with love…b

------------
Unlike people who are “ready to go”, Michael has clearly communicated his desire to stay alive and finish the book he is working on (which isn't likely to happen if he doesn't get the treatments he needs) He is not communicating his need for money much when he emails people (in fact, he encourages and inspires them instead), but when asked directly, he explains how desperate the situation is.
 
If you would like to help but can’t offer money, do you have a skill that we might be able to use? I would like to try some online fundraising. Anyone able to help with that? (web skills, email lists, etc.)

If there is anything you would like to do to contribute to Michael’s support in any way, please email me at stefdavis@...
 
Thanks! 
Much Love
Stef

There will possibly be a website set up to take donations on Michael's behalf.  I will post additional information as it becomes available.  Please let others know.  I would love to be able to donate something myself, but whatever it is will not be much.  My thoughts are that if we can get a lot of people to put in a little, that will make the difference.  Our sangha has not too many members and many of us are having some cashflow issues on the path.  So I am appealing to the greater zaadz community and asking for help.  Even a dollar a month will be worthwhile.

********

6/26/07 update


Cisco Wheeled Michael outside today and snapped this photo. He asked Michael about the trust and found out that the one he has in place should be fine because it is set up for his medical needs, but unfortunately Cisco forgot to ask him about the tax deduction stuff. He will find that out tomorrow.

In the meantime, Let's all send our first monthly installment (or lump sum for those of you who have opted for that) to the following address:

Suzanne Kifer
Trustee, Michael Hutchison Irrevocable Special Needs Trust
510 McCubbing Drive
Lexington, KY 40503
 
Check should be made payable to:
The Michael Hutchison Irrevocable Special Needs Trust

There will soon be a website.   The plan is for donations to be made there for the convenience of those who wish to help Michael.  Until then, please send donations to the trust listed previously.
 
*******

6/27/07Update

The website is online.

*******

7/1/07 Update

From Michael

Dear Stephanie,
I feel like we've already been introduced I've heard so many wonderful things about you from Cisco.  I guess it was you who introduced him to me.  When I got this phone call I had a feeling that this would be someone I would really love to know so I invited him over that very evening.  We had great times playing some of the CDs he had burned for me (we had already discovered over the phone that our musical tastes were virtually identical, focusing on "ambient").  He did a portrait sketch of me that I thought was remarkable.  We also share our interests and spiritual matters.  He brought me a book on "Zen and the Brain" that is exactly the book I was looking for and didn't know it.  I hope while he's here in Santa Fe we get a chance to spend some fun and enlightening times together.

I think you have read the interview I did (which was actually written by me) which has been published in various sites on the Internet.  So you know that I have been able to have a "miraculous" recovery from quadriplegia.  For over six years I was able to walk on my own 2 feet without assistance.  I joined a gym and lifted weights.  I went from about 110 pounds to almost 190 -- all of muscle.  I was in superb shape. During that entire period I was taking growth hormone.  Then last year my insurance company for some reason denied me coverage of growth hormone.  I immediately  I had three successive cases of pneumonia followed by a severe case of bed sores that went very deep, almost to the bone.  All in all I was in bed sick for almost a year.  At the end of the year I weighed about 105 pounds, looks like a survivor of a concentration camp, was so thin and had lost so much weight that I was completely unable to walk again.  I am now having to learn all over again, although I am able to walk with the aid of Walker.  Since then I've picked up severe bedsores again in my doctor thinks the infection has gone up my back.  This is scary since the way Christopher Reeve died (he only broke one cervical bone, while I broke C2 C3 C4 C5 C6 C7 and T2) was from an infected bed sore that went up his spine and into his brain and he died of a stroke.  Recently my doctor had me take MRIs of my lower back my middle back my upper back and my brain.  So far the results are not in.

Also I've developed a severe case of chronic degenerative arthritis.  All the way up my lower spine from L1 to L seven my bones are crumbling away and every bit of the padding that ordinarily provides cushioning between these bones is completely worn away.  The result is that every single movement I make, including just sitting in my wheelchair or standing up causes me intense and basically unbearable pain.  As you know during the years I spent totally paralyzed staring at the ceiling I went deeply into myself remembering the teachings of the book "I Am That" by sri Nisargaddata, the teachings of Ramana Maharshi and my experiences with the books of Tony Parsons.  The result is I was able to get into an extremely deep state that I think was the key to the "miracle" of my rapid healing.  With a year or more of practice I found it easy to get into the state I call the Void.. I stumbled on a good quote that almost perfectly describes his state."One of the most enigmatic of all transpersonal phenomena is the experience of the Void, the encounter with primordial Emptiness, Nothingness, and Silence.  This extraordinary spiritual experience is of a highly paradoxical nature.  The Void exists beyond form of any kind.  While being a source of everything it cannot itself be derived from anything else.  It is beyond space and time.  While we can perceive nothing concrete in the Void there is also the profound sense that nothing is missing.  This absolute emptiness is simultaneously pregnant with all of existence, since it contains everything in a potential form."  Stanislav Grof, The Holotropic Mind.

As I continued to practice spending many hours in the void I had a spontaneous Awakening
or enlightenment experience.  Ever since then, no matter how much pain I may be in, I am still in bliss -- my life is one long experience of bliss and that's one reason why I'm so urgently trying to finish my book.  My hope would be that it can help others learn how to awaken and live a life of constant bliss.

I'm so thankful for all the things that you and your community are doing for me and I would be eager to help you in any way I can.  The only drawback is that I really feel compelled to spend at least four hours each day writing the book.  This is extremely painful since I have to sit up for long periods of time which become unbearably painful.  There has been a new type of surgery developed for my back.  It uses artificial discs and arthroscopically inserts them between my spinal bones where my natural disks have degenerated and then ground away to nothing.  But right now the most important thing for me is to be able to purchase my own growth hormone.  My doctor is eager and willing to prescribe it to me.  Unfortunately it costs about $12,000 a year.  I'm hopeful that your efforts for me combined with whatever I can do me be able to raise sufficient funds.  I feel that growth hormone is a lifesaver for me and in a very true sense my life depends on it.

It just happened again.. anyway I know no more about the advaita than any other spiritual pathway.  All I know, which I really know is what I learned by pure first-hand experience. And that is it has no center and no edge, no before and no after, no inside and no outside, absolute total light and totally empty darkness and space,,,, it extends infinitely in all directions it was never born and will never die.  I think when you read about it in my book you will see that it is really quite different.  The book tells how I became enlightened and how that radiant bliss has stayed with me without ceasing despite the pain, and how it stays with me at all times wherever I go and whoever I talk to.  One way to characterize it is to say it is like being in deep dreamless sleep while being totally awake to the shining brightness of every day life -- or in some states it is consciousness without content.  Once you've got it I guess you never lose it.  It is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me and that is why I say that my accidental quadriplegia was the greatest thing in my life.  One moment of this enlightenment is worth a hundred years or more of human life..
Thank you for your wonderful letter and I would love to have some discussions with you about these questions and about Brian and the others.  All my love,
Michael Hutchison

*******

With deep respect,

Keith

I sicken myself
worrying me about my self
and place on the shelf

go and serve others
forget about your desires
find youself giving

Oh Mommy dearest,
Father's lover, beloved,
hold me in your breast

My self I will lose
complete freedom from my will
having not to choose

Crawl inside your heart
find a soft spot, settle down
and make it my home

Lay aside the rules.
Hearts don't need them anyway.
Let Love make us fools.

Jesus on the cross,
symbolizing Love: fearless...
and vulnerable